while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
