i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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