Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
