it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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