I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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