I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
