Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
