Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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