you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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