her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
