Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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