sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
