WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
