Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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