She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
