You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
