Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
