In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
