yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
