Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
