You smell like stripper and shame
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
