Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
