I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
