i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just tell him i said nine months
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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