i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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