What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
