so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
