you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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