I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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