you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
