Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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