dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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