so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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