i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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