please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
