I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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