i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
