Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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