Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
