so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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