just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
