just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
