STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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