I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Please, let me fuck your mom
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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