your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
