Sponge bath it is.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
