youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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