just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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