awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
