Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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