If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
